One of the first pieces of advice I was given as a mother was ‘sleep when your baby sleeps’ which is almost impossible when they never do. Chronic sleep deprivation is something I have dealt with since my son was born 7 years ago. I used to spend hours on forums and reading books trying to figure out how to get him to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. People would tell me… ‘once he starts eating solids he’ll start sleeping’, and then it was ‘once he becomes more active during the day he’ll start sleeping’ and then ‘once he starts at the day home and has more of a routine during the day he’ll start sleeping’. Everyone seemed to have the magic key for getting kids to sleep, and I felt like a failure because he just never did.
Maybe you’ve noticed it’s been a bit quiet around here lately, or maybe you haven’t – that’s okay too. I’ve been debating writing this post for a while in the hopes that getting it out would help me get past it, and maybe it will help others knowing they aren’t alone, but by the time the day is over the thought of opening my laptop and doing anything at all is unthinkable. I don’t know if it’s depression, or if it’s just that I’m overwhelmed – maybe it’s a bit of both. Every day is so scheduled to the minute and I feel like there’s never any time. I posted shortly after returning to work last year about how the clock is always ticking… and what a regular day looked like… 8 months later work is busier, Cordelia is sleeping a bit better, and we’ve added in some extra curriculars to keep the little guy busy.
Thankfully Cordelia isn’t waking up 3-4x a night anymore, but she does go through stages where she’s waking up once – or up at 4 and won’t go back to sleep. Sometimes we are lucky enough to sleep until 5:30, those are nice days. After working all day, running Bobby to Kindergarten and Taekwondo… we come home, make dinner, help with homework, read books, play for a while and it’s time for bath and bed. Then a lot of nights I spend some time working from home to stay on top of my deadlines. Once it’s time to relax, I look around at the house that is in complete disarray… feel guilty about the fact that I didn’t remember to get Bobby to do his Taekwondo practice, or get out for a bike ride… know that we’ll spend the weekend cleaning and organizing and doing laundry, and that none of it matters because by this time next week, it’ll be the exact same.
I haven’t been exercising, at all… all the progress I made a year ago is pretty much gone. I haven’t been eating well (no breakfast or lunch, and then binge eating in the evening) or sleeping well (probably due to the binge eating). And I am sure all of this is feeding in to my current emotional state. I’m going to start a new series next week – Weight Loss Wednesdays – that will help me to hold myself accountable, and hopefully get myself on track and working towards my goals… because I have a long way to go and as I said earlier… the clock is always ticking.
Kindergarten is over in 2 months, and then I think things will start to settle down mentally for me, though I’m sure it will pick back up in September when he starts grade one.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my emotional brain dump. I’ve said this a few times but I will be trying hard to find time this weekend to start working on some lighter content for next week, I’ve put it on my to do list at least, hopefully getting back in to it will bring back my blogging spark. ♥
How do you handle mental and emotional burnouts? I could use any tips you have!