“Next week will be more positive, I promise – to you, and to myself.” That’s how WLW #9 ended almost 2 years ago. I kept putting off #10, I wanted to have something to show for it by then and I didn’t. I was back at 240 by the end of 2015 and stayed around that weight until July 30 when I finally decided enough was enough. I went out and bought myself some weight loss tech (a Fitbit Charge 2 and Nokia Body+ Smart Scale), re-downloaded MyFitnessPal and started that day.
It has been 2 months since I posted a WLW… I wish I could say that I had hit my goals and have lost so much weight and that everything is going great… but I’d be lying.
I’m back where I started. 240 when I stepped on the scale this morning. I do this to myself every time… I start to make progress, and then I self-sabotage. The negative internal dialogue starts up, I start binge eating (at times secretly), my mood and energy levels take a complete dive, and the hole just seems to get deeper and darker every time. I’ve been putting off writing this post because I wanted so badly for it to be a positive one, but it’s been too long – I just needed to be real.
For now I have dug myself out of that hole, and I am going to try and stay out of it for as long as I can this time… I’ve started trying to meditate for 10 minutes in the morning, and 10 minutes before going to sleep to help with my mental health. I have downloaded a few apps to help as well – Relax Melodies has customizable white noise which helps me block out the non-stop chatter in my head while I am trying to meditate, and Pause is a mindfulness app where you slowly and continuously move your fingertip across the screen and I find that when things start to get overwhelming, I take a minute to breathe deeply and *pause*, and it helps me focus.
I have started Cize – the new Shaun T workout from Beachbody, and I am really enjoying it. I need exercising to be fun, and it doesn’t get much better than learning a dance routine. I’ve taken new before pictures, and hope to have some positive changes by the end of the year. I’d like 2016 to be my healthiest yet… but in order for that to happen, changes need to be made today.
Next week will be more positive, I promise – to you, and to myself.
It’s been a few weeks since I posted a WLW – and I apologize for that… to anyone following, and to myself… because it has been holding me accountable, and not posting has allowed me to slip back in to bad habits.
On Sunday I took Bobby to see The Minions, and while we were waiting for the movie to start he said to me… “Mommy… when we turn 100 we die and go up to heaven right…” and as I tried to hide my tears I said “yes hunny… we don’t need to worry about that right now though because we are a long ways from 100!” It hit me hard. I need to get healthy for myself, and for my kids – so that we don’t say goodbye sooner than we have to.
As I’ve mentioned in the past I struggling with energy levels, between work and the kids there isn’t much left in me at 8pm… so I’m trying out a product which is supposed to help with that, and so far this week I feel a bit peppier.
I don’t really have much more of an update this week… I’m trying, I’m struggling… but I’ll keep trying until I get to where I want to be. Hugs to those of you who are trying to get there too. We can do this!